Yeah, I’m doing it. Family Guy rips off everything. It’s about time someone rips them off. And who better to do it than “Mr. Original” himself? (At least that’s what my roommate calls me). No one, that’s who! So get ready to be enthralled everyone.

…You know what really grinds my gears? When I’m at a restaurant with a huge menu, and the waitress comes to the table immediately asking if I’m ready to order.

No, ma’am, I am not ready to order.

I would like a glass of water right now because I do not want to pay for an overpriced pop, but clearly you have not given me a chance to read the novel that currently sits untouched on the table in front of me.

And don’t even ask me if I want a lemon in my water! If I wanted a lemon flavored drink, I’d order a lemonade. It’s that simple.

…You know what really grinds my gears? The incompetent workers at Walmart. I get that they are just trying to put food on the table, but come on now. There has to be some kind of qualifications for these people.

Maybe?

No?

I just want to check out! I’m not here to wait for some clueless woman to attempt to ring up a coupon for fifteen minutes, stop, try again, fail some more, and then five minutes later call for help. Only to keep me staring at the assortment of gum.

I have two items! Why do you have to be so terrible at your job!?

And another thing… I want that saxophone guy who stands on the Clemente Bridge throughout the summer to be a greeter there. (You know who I’m talking about, the guy before and after Pirates games).

He would be the greatest greeter! “Welcome to Walmart, (insert catchy sax tune here)!”

Now that would draw me in!

But no tips from me. Sorry man.

…You know what really grinds my gears? Scott Hartnell. Least favorite hockey player in the league. Enough said.

…You know what really grinds my gears? RC Cola. The fact that Penguins fans have to suffer through ordering this junk during games is beyond me.

You’d think it’d be the NFL going with a mediocre soda behind a mediocre commissioner… But that’s a whole new rant.

Until next time ladies and gentlemen, this is what grinds my gears.