The title song this week comes from my roommates singing it almost every other night. The title may be considered unethical to have mentioned in my post however, so I will just say it’s by Lonely Island and features Justin Timberlake. And yes, I sing Andy Samberg’s part.

Last week was a truly glorious one in the ESPN Fantasy Leagues. Of my seven teams, I went 7-0. Never happened to me before. I won a couple of them by listening to my own advice, and adding certain players (Andy Dalton in particular). True, some of my picks were off (Mikel Leshoure, Alfred Morris, but my disclaimer saved me on Andre Brown), but the rest all did spectacularly, to the tune of double-digit points for each. This week, I found a lot more than usual on the waiver wire, so here are the highlights:

PLAYERS I LIKE

Quarterback

Andy Dalton, Cincinatti

Dalton may not hit 300 passing yards on most occasions, but he gets the ball inot the endzone, and the Dalton- AJ Green combo is good for a touchdown almost every week. He gets Miami this week, who is dead in the middle of the league in pass defense, but just allowed Kevin Kolb to beat them, and Andre Roberts to also make my waiver wire list (two very bad achievments, to be sure). Dalton should perform well enough for 250 or so yards and a couple scores.

Tim (can’t believe I’m writing this) Tebow, New York Jets

Do not, I repeat,DO NOTadd Tim Tebow unless you have an open roster spot and no other waiver wire guys available. Tebow will not be starting the next two weeks for the Jets. He will, however take over for Mark Sanchez at some point soon. Neither is a good NFL quarterback (at least to start any pair of consecutive weeks). Tebow just seems to squirm his way into any starting job after awhile, and he is ready to play in the Big Apple. If your quarterback has a bye week coming up, you have a wide open roster spot,and/oryou’re one of the millions in America who has an unhealthy obsession with the man, Tebow is a decent option.

Running Backs

Brandon Bolden, New England

Arguably the riskiest pick on here, Bolden went from nobody to somebody last week. He owned the second half of the Bills-Patriots game, and is now one of the two top backs in New England’s backfield. The numbers are likely to fall, but those who live by taking risks can jump all over him. Keep in mind though, just as Bolden came from nowhere in New England, he can disappear in favor of another random surprise at any time.

Chris Johnson, Tennessee

Did I not say CJ2K would rise back to his standard form? He’s back in an 80-yards plus per week groove now, so trade if you need a running back, while people still think he’s a lost cause.

Jackie Battle, San Diego

It may have been just to take a vengence shot at the team that let him go this past offseason, but last week, with a healthy Ryan Matthews, Jackie Battle got the most carries, and the touchdown. Another pick strictly for big riskers however; Battle played more because Matthews was reportedly benched for fumble issues as punishment.

Rashard Mendenhall, Pittsburgh

Jonathan Dwyer and Issac Redman did a pitiful job replacing Rashard through three games. They averaged together less than three yards per carry. If Mendenhall is available, and you do not have three full-fledged starting running backs on your roster, get him.

Wide Receiver

Brian Hartline, Miami

I predicted Hartline’s lackluster week three. I did not see him exploding the following week. He won’t put up double digit points this week, but he’s always good for an explosion, so I guess that makes him worth a roster spot.

Andre Roberts, Arizona

I could chalk his success up to Miami’s bad defensive performance last week, but Roberts has scored in two other games, and usually puts up good yards this season. I would add him if you have a dissappointing receiver on the bench, and maybe even use him as a flex play if your current flex has a bad defensive match-up (not highly advised, however).

T.Y. Hilton/Donnie Avery, Indinapolis

As addressed in previous posts, Collie is out, so one of these two will step himself into a large yardage increase. It’s a fifty-fifty shot. Pretty good odds.

James Jones, Green Bay

It may be a maddening add, but Jones either scores great points or no points. If you want/need the headaches, he’s available in a good amount of leagues.

Tight End

Scott Chandler, Buffalo

If you’re desperate, Heath Miller and Kyle Rudolph have been pretty well snapped up. If you need a bye week filler, or have a horrible tight end, look for one of the two aforementioned gentlemen. If there’s no better option, Scott Chandler is the best of a bad situation.

Owen Daniels, Houston

Daniels is grossly undervalued this season. People have been unloading him in favor of waiver-wire tight ends, and Daniels has responded (though most likely not to fantasy owners directly) by scoring the past two weeks. Add him if he’s a better option than your current option, or if your starter’s got a bye soon.

Defenses

Vikings

Don’t wipe your glasses, but Minnesota is leading a divison that has Green Bay, the Detroit offense + Ndamukong Suh, and the Bears. Thank their defense, who is ninth in the league. If your incumbent defense is failing, make a permanent switch to Minnesota. If not, add the Vikes for a favorable match-up: they play turnover-prone Tennessee.

Cowboys

Available in fifty percent of leagues, Dallas is on a bye this week. They have the second-best rush defense in the league, and their three match-ups off the bye:  Baltimore, a run-first team, Carolina, home of Deangelo Williams, Jonathan Stewart, and running Cam Newton, and the Giants, who Dallas stifled in week one. Pretty good stretch there for the Boys’.

Kicker

No, this is not a misprint. Yes, I made fun of how kickers are not at all important in the grand scheme of fantasy teams. The Rams’ kicker Greg Zuerlin has been unstoppable this season, however. He nailed a fifty and sixty yarder last week like he wasn’t even nervous. Unless your kicker plays on a high-scoring offense, drop him and add Zuerlin.

PLAYERS I DO NOT LIKE

Quarterbacks

Ryan Tannehill, Miami

Probably the only team you will hear me criticize a man who threw for four hundred yards the past week, but Tannehill’s fantasy relevance is all hype. Before the outburst (against a bad defense), Tannehill was known to be the most interception-happy passer in the league not to serve prison time for dogfighting. He may be a (underwhelming) bye-week filler sometime this season for you, but do not add him as a week-to-week option at QB.

Tim Tebow, New York Jets

In case you haven’t realized, I occasionally love and hate players in the same week. Tebow may be a future starter in New York, but that does not mean he will be a good starter. In Tebow’s case, 99.9999999999% of his skill is media hype (in his defense, he may get the most hype of anybody in America for something not involving sex). Will he score 12-13 points in a couple weeks? Ya, probably. But the other weeks, he will be fantasy cancer to your starting lineup if you play him.

Running Backs

Shonn Greene, New York Jets

This man may jump to players I like next week. He has played like an undrafted free agent this season, but with Santonio Holmes out for the year, the Jets got to find points elsewhere. Perhaps that will get Greene moving enough to be a reliable fantasy back again. If you got a roster spot available and have no intentions of adding anyone else, add Greene and be ready to release or promote him next week.

Mark Ingram, New Orleans

An obvious waste of high draft picks if I ever saw one. New Orleans had Reggie Bush, still one of the most dynamic players (when healthy) in all of football, got rid of him, and decided to trade many picks to New England for the rights to Mark Ingram. Ingram has done virtually nothing since arriving in the NFL, and now sits behind Pierre Thomas collecting dust. Get a productve player on your roster. Not a bust.

Wide Receiver

Laurent Robsinson, Jacksonville

If common sense has not already gripped you, dump Robsinson and seek medical help immediately. He has Blaine Gabbert as his quarterback, and aside from one good year in Dallas and one of the most overpaid contracts of the offseason, has done nothing positive for himself or your fantasy team.

Tight End

Antonio Gates, San Diego

Gates used to be the first tight end taken in fantasy. Now he scores maybe three points a week, and gets showed up by Dante Rosario (Who? Exactly.) some weeks. If he does start performing back to his level we expect later this year, don’t worry. Your Kyle Rudolph, Heath Miller, Owen Daniels replacement will usually score just as many points for you.

Defense

New York Jets

Their defense was Darelle Revis. Revis is gone for the year. They got shut out 34-0 against San Fransisco. The J-E-T-S chant-man should be chanting B-A-I-L BAIL OUT NOW!

Other

Once again, anybody on the Cleveland Browns football team. They play the Giants and their ferocious pass rush/run D this week in New York. Not even Trent Richardson isa safe play (though if you got him, I’d still probably start him).

BONUS SECTION: AVOID UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE LIST

A list I compiled of players you should not own, start, or play until they begin performing to a decent level again (use your own judgement as to when that is. It’s your team.)

The Cleveland Browns (minus Trent Richardson)

Laurent Robsinson

Buffalo D

Tennessee D

Kansas City D

New Orleans D

Those are the picks. Do I have another 7-0 week in me? I hope not, because through a bet I have to buy one of my friends dinner everytime it happens. But if you listen to these picks, then maybe you too can rise to the level of obsession I carry.

God Bless!

– Dan