I need to get back into my groove. I’ve been nice for too long. I’ve been bottling up rage for the past two (three…? I don’t know, I suck at math) months, so I have a whole bunch of stuff I just need to get off of my chest. So it is time again for another installment of What Grinds My Gears.

…You know what really grinds my gears? Children’s birthday parties.

Alright, so this probably seems like a recurring theme for me. I don’t hate kids by any means; I just hate obnoxious ones. I was a very well behaved kid, so it’s totally acceptable for me to say that.

Anyways, children’s birthday parties are horrible. I can’t even pinpoint what I hate most about them. It could be all the kids running around wreaking havoc, but what really gets me is present time.

I love toys as much as any kid, so that isn’t an issue for me. Heck, I wish I could have some of the stuff and it not be weird. The problem I do have is when kids are forced to read the cards that come along with the presents.

Nobody (I don’t care if it’s Grandma or Uncle Richard or even a pet) wants to hear that little rascal prove that they can read. And when I say read, I mean that in the loosest of ways.

“A s-s-im-ple cele-(sound it out, honey)-bra-tion, a ga-ther-ing of friends; here is wishing you g-reat hap-pin-ess, a joy that ne-ver ends.”

“Great job, buddy! You did it!”

Oh man is that torturous! Especially because there’s always that one person influencing everyone to clap because the kid can read a card.

I’m not clapping because they can read; I’m clapping because they are done reading.

…You know what really grinds my gears? Beach showers.

I don’t like the beach at all. The water is gross, the sand is gross, and it’s all just gross. I don’t understand why people use showers on the beach, or why showers on the beach even exist for that matter.

They put the showers in the middle of the sand. Who’s stupid idea was that?

You go and wash off all of the current sand, just to realize your legs are now even more wet than before, and you still have to walk through another stretch of sand.

Totally productive.

…You know what really grinds my gears? People who complain while sitting by a pool.

Let’s be honest here, if you are sitting four feet away from a pool, chances are you will probably get wet at some point.

“Don’t splash me, I have my phone!”

Let’s use some logic here.

You don’t want your phone to get wet, don’t bring it near the pool.

You don’t want to get wet, don’t sit next to the pool.

Problem solved.

…You know what really grinds my gears? When people sing songs that they don’t know.

I am by no means musically inclined, but I know a lot of songs. I can do anything from metal to rap, as long as there’s no banjo country crap. (Mic drop)

It bothers me so much when a song comes on and people claim they love it, but can’t even sing the chorus.

They try to cover it up by humming to the tune, but that’s just a pathetic attempt at covering up that they’ve never even heard it before.

For everyone’s sake, just stop and enjoy the song without making yourself out to be an idiot.

…You know what really grinds my gears? When people don’t finis….